Thursday, October 8, 2009

In Which Leah Discusses Encouraging (And Discouraging) Things of Late

Words really affect me. "Words of Affirmation" is one of my top love languages - right up there with Physical Touch - so you can imagine how much discouraging words cut me.

I've had a lot of both today. Or maybe I was just extra sensitive.

In Speech class, I got my outline back. My outline on which I spent SEVEN hours in the library. My prof gave me 100% and wrote "Great Job!" on it. Plus, when she handed it back to me, she said, "That's a really really good outline." It may sound silly, but that meant so much to me. I was practically glowing. (I know.)

Then I had another class, which shall remain unnamed. I really like the prof usually, but today I said something silly and pointless (like I never do... right? haha) and the prof just said, "Well, thank you for sharing that," got a funny look on his face, and went back to class. It hurt. I honestly felt like crying. I know I'm more sensitive this week than I usually am (we've already been over that one) but it did hurt. (And I had just eaten lunch, so I wasn't really tired.)

But then I had a voice lesson. We didn't do any singing, since I just had my recital, but we talked about how the recital went and what we're going to do the rest of the semester (since I don't have to do a jury - huzzah!). It was really really good to hear what my voice teacher had to say. She had mostly positive comments, and what corrections she had to make, she did in a kind way.

Later, I was at work in a classroom building. I was singing while wiping off tables and a friend walked by (he was rehearsing down the hall) and said, mostly jokingly, "Your singing is too loud." I joked back, "Oh, shut up." And then later he said he was joking. But it kinda hurt. And it reminded me of how my brother used to tell me I couldn't sing well. And all the things my father said to hurt me. And I felt like crying again.

It's not that people can never criticize me. It's good for me. It's not that people can only say nice things to me. I'd have a big head if that were the case. But I wish people would see that I'm a sensitive person.

Or maybe I just need to stop acting tough. Do I? Do I act tough? 'Cause I'm not emotionally tough. Words cut me like butter (and not refrigerated butter).

I don't like butter.

Today I ate four cookies just before choir.
They all hit my blood stream about 5:10.

We got out of work a half hour early tonight (so we could attend some school spirit event - hahahahahaha... I came home instead.) so that was nice.

I got to climb inside the Paper Gator bin at school.
That was spectacular.

Love and bloody thumbs (a result of said Paper-Gator-diving),


  1. Yay! I'm so glad you got 100% on your outline. :)

    I don't know about acting tough. I feel like most of what I say doesn't seem to impact you much (either in a good way or bad way). Then again, I talk to you a lot and wouldn't be a bit surprised if you are desensitized to my words.

    Awww. I missed you last night. I don't usually even bother getting online before 11:45ish.

  2. Aww, I love your voice! It's amazing! I want it.

  3. You... Are awesome. That's all there is to it. People are just dumb and THAT is all there is to THAT.

    Also, I'm completely jealous that you got to go inside the Paper Gator.