In Which Leah Discusses Encouraging (And Discouraging) Things of Late

Words really affect me. "Words of Affirmation" is one of my top love languages - right up there with Physical Touch - so you can imagine how much discouraging words cut me.

I've had a lot of both today. Or maybe I was just extra sensitive.

In Speech class, I got my outline back. My outline on which I spent SEVEN hours in the library. My prof gave me 100% and wrote "Great Job!" on it. Plus, when she handed it back to me, she said, "That's a really really good outline." It may sound silly, but that meant so much to me. I was practically glowing. (I know.)

Then I had another class, which shall remain unnamed. I really like the prof usually, but today I said something silly and pointless (like I never do... right? haha) and the prof just said, "Well, thank you for sharing that," got a funny look on his face, and went back to class. It hurt. I honestly felt like crying. I know I'm more sensitive this week than I usually am (we've already been over that one) but it did hurt. (And I had just eaten lunch, so I wasn't really tired.)

But then I had a voice lesson. We didn't do any singing, since I just had my recital, but we talked about how the recital went and what we're going to do the rest of the semester (since I don't have to do a jury - huzzah!). It was really really good to hear what my voice teacher had to say. She had mostly positive comments, and what corrections she had to make, she did in a kind way.

Later, I was at work in a classroom building. I was singing while wiping off tables and a friend walked by (he was rehearsing down the hall) and said, mostly jokingly, "Your singing is too loud." I joked back, "Oh, shut up." And then later he said he was joking. But it kinda hurt. And it reminded me of how my brother used to tell me I couldn't sing well. And all the things my father said to hurt me. And I felt like crying again.

It's not that people can never criticize me. It's good for me. It's not that people can only say nice things to me. I'd have a big head if that were the case. But I wish people would see that I'm a sensitive person.

Or maybe I just need to stop acting tough. Do I? Do I act tough? 'Cause I'm not emotionally tough. Words cut me like butter (and not refrigerated butter).

I don't like butter.

Today I ate four cookies just before choir.
They all hit my blood stream about 5:10.
Wheeeeeeee.

We got out of work a half hour early tonight (so we could attend some school spirit event - hahahahahaha... I came home instead.) so that was nice.

I got to climb inside the Paper Gator bin at school.
That was spectacular.

Love and bloody thumbs (a result of said Paper-Gator-diving),
LeahJoy