Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Thesis: To Be A Princess, You Must Have Absent-Minded (or entirely absent) Parents.

Did anyone ever notice this? Let's look at the six main princesses: Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Ariel, Jasmine, and Belle.

Where are her parents? She had a father, but he, for some reason, married an evil woman and then died. She lives with her step-mother, then meets a prince and they get hitched. She's a princess.

Snow White
Same story as Cinderella. Her father, apparently a lonely idiot, marries a witch and then he dies (more likely is murdered). She lives (somehow) with her stepmother, meets a prince and they get hitched (after some in-between time troubles like death). Voila! She's a princess.

Sleeping Beauty
Where are her parents? Well, she at least has both of them alive, but they haven't had any contact since, oh about BIRTH. She's been raised in the middle of the woods by 3 absent-minded fairies. She was already a princess, but she meets a prince anyway, they get hitched, and she's a married princess.


Where is this girl's mother? I know there had to be one at some point; she has like, 80 sisters. With an absent-minded father like hers, this girl needs a mother to keep her in line. But nope. No mother in this girl's life. So she goes gallivanting off into all kinds of trouble, meets a prince, (through a long ordeal somehow becomes human), and voila! She's a princess.

JasmineAgain, where is her mother? Nowhere to be found. She just has her very stupid father, and a tiger. Not much help. Of course, she's already a princess, but she still meets a prince (or rather, a "street rat" with a genie) and they get married.

BelleAgain, stupid father, no mother. She meets a prince (in disguise/enchantment as a ... beast) and they get married.

What is with this? Apparently, if I have no parents, or only stupid ones, I can be a princess.

You know what? I'll keep my life, thanks. I like my parents, brains and all.


  1. You have very keen insights concerning Disney princesses.

  2. Can I just say... This made my whole week.

    Regarding Ariel's mother:

    She was killed when Ariel was a baby. She was caught between a rock and a hard place... The hard place being a ship... And she was crushed. Kind of morbid for Disney, but whatever. This is explained in the Little Mermaid prequel "Ariel's Beginning". It is amazing and includes a singing manatee. Anyway, King Triton is basically devastated by his wife's death, and proceeds to banish everything that reminds him of her from the kingdom (mainly, music).

    ...Have I mentioned that I'm obsessed with The Little Mermaid? I wanted to have my name changed from April to Ariel when I was little. It is still my most favorite movie!