"Siblings who claim to get along all the time are most definitely hiding something."
"Most schools have a system of loud bells, which startle the students and teachers at regular intervals and remind them that time is passing even more slowly than it seems."
"Labor Day is a holiday honoring those who work for a living. Laborious Day is a lesser known holiday honoring those who cannot stop talking about their work."
"It is always cruel to laugh at people, of course, although sometimes if they are wearing an ugly hat it is hard to control yourself."
"One of the world's tiresome questions is what object one would bring to a desert island, because people always answer 'a deck of cards' or 'Anna Karenina' when the obvious answer is 'a well-equipped boat and crew to sail me off the island and back home where I can play all the card games and read all the Russian novels I want.'"
"A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is very tall and the surrounding area has been flooded."
"Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them."
"If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say, in a pleasant and hopeful voice, 'Well, this isn't too bad. I don't have my left arm anymore, but at least nobody will ever ask me whether I am right-handed or left-handed,' but most of us would say something more along the lines of 'Aaaah! My arm! My arm!'"
"Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby - awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess."
"There are some who go through life with a shadow hanging over them, particularly if they live in a building which has long, wide awnings."
"Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, which the exception of 'systematically assisting Sisyphus's stealthy, cyst-susceptible sister,' which is easier done than said."
"If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats."
Love and Lemony Snicket,