Catching Up 2

Is it sad that when I went to type in the title, it came up as an option? Meaning I've already titled at least one post "Catching Up".

Every life change brings new schedule changes. And I'm a huge routine person. I won't say that I do the exact same thing every day, or every week even, but I do have several things I do the same way every time, and I do them quite regularly. This being said, having a new job (about which I will update you momentarily) wreaks havoc on my current schedule. This makes me busy for about a week or so while I get used to it. Then I can settle into routine and blog again. Not that I'm a regular blogger anyway.

ANYWAY.

New job. Yes.

I'm working as a clerk in a warehouse. Please, save your disparaging remarks about how you used to work in a warehouse or that I'm not using my degree. I really really like my job. I really like the people with whom I work. I really like getting at least 40 hours a week. I really like having a half hour lunch break. I really like getting paid more than minimum wage. I like filing papers and entering data. I like hunting down products in the warehouse. I even like giving directions to truckers who call when they're lost. ("Yep, the driveway before the Nissan dealership. ... Yes, the one that says 'No trucks or trailers'.")

I've got loans. A girl with loans can't complain about the job that'll pay them off. It's only an added bonus that I like what I do.

And really. Let's be honest. All those people who have been asking forever, "A performance degree? What are you going to do with that?" - they've made a good point. But for a while I've been saying, "Work a day job and write songs." Maybe I originally entered the program with intentions of making a full-time music career, but since I got some sense knocked into me (Thanks, CMC!) I've realized that nothing of the sort is going to happen immediately. The best I can do is pay off my loans as soon as possible.

Okay, so you know about my job now.

Other things, I've got a boyfriend now. He's 6'5", has a beard, and is a reverend. (Yes, this blog is still run by the girl who said she'd never be a pastor's wife.)

And today I reorganized my closet for maximum efficiency. Because we all know closets are supposed to be about efficiency.

Love and homemade headbands,

Leah Joy

The Noble Semicolon

There is this wonderful little punctuation mark known as the semicolon. It is my personal favorite punctuation mark and I protect its few functions as best I can. Here's the thing about the semicolon: using one correctly makes you look smart; using one incorrectly makes you look really stupid. Many people suffer from the delusion that using a semicolon - properly or not - makes you appear intelligent or perhaps scholarly. False. When I see a sentence punctuated like this one; I want to punch a watermelon.

Semicolons do NOT separate dependent clauses; commas can, as seen in the following sentence. Semicolons CAN separate independent clauses, as seen in the previous sentence. Semicolons are also useful in a list, if the items normally separated by a comma already contain commas. We visited London, England; Paris, France; and Rome, Italy.

Friends, stop using semicolons incorrectly. It makes you look like an idiot. If you don't know how to use one, don't. There are ways to survive without this glorious comma-and-colon-combination, though we all know I prefer to survive with it.

Love and Semicolons,

Leah Joy

If We Were a Movie...

Do you ever think about what the title of your life-movie would be? Here are some options for mine:

-Must Hate Dogs

-2 Days of Summer

-I Know What You Did Last Summer: And Boy, That was Boring

-Early to Bed, Early to Rise

-What Bassoonists Want

How about you?

Looking Back

I've been reading over my old journals recently, hoping to find scraps of inspiration for a song or something. Today, however, I found this amusing conversation I had with my little brother, who was 7 at the time:

Leah: What are you doing?

Jacob: Killing you.

Leah: What? No fair. I already died once today.

Jacob: You did??

Leah: What do you think, Jacob? I'm alive and talking to you.

Jacob: Um... yes?

Leah: Okay, I'm not Jesus, believe it or not.

Jacob: Well, obviously. If you were, you'd have been dead for three days!

Love and laughter,

Leah Joy

I Used To Be Funnier

First, let me state that I can never remember which words aren't supposed to be capitalized in a title. So I capitalize them all, just to be safe.

Second, I read back through my old posts on here and have discovered a shocking progression. I am less funny than I used to be. This needs to change. Starting now.

An idea I've had for a long time but never actually acted upon is something I call "Sarcastic Stickies". The recipe calls for sticky notes, a pen, a sharp wit, and a good sense of humor. Sometimes I see things that are just SO stupid that I think some sarcastic remark. At one point, it occurred to me that I ought to share this sarcasm with other people. But I never have. Example: You're at Applebee's (really, Spell Check? That's not in the dictionary yet?) in the bathroom. You see used paper towel on the counter - right next to the hole you're supposed to use (the magical one with a trash can under it). While you would usually just push it in with your paper towel, I occasionally have the desire to leave a message, "Because the extra 3 inches was just too far for my weak arms."

In other news, my friend just got me The Book of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks (from this blog) and I read it today and it's "hilarious".

If you have never read the Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket, you are really missing out. Here are two quotes from his books:

"Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, which the exception of "systematically assisting Sisyphus's stealthy, cyst-susceptible sister," which is easier done than said."

"If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say, in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well, this isn't too bad. I don't have my left arm anymore, but at least nobody will ever ask me whether I am right-handed or left-handed," but most of us would say something more along the lines of "Aaaah! My arm! My arm!""

He has a way of stringing words together that is very unexpected, but very witty and hilarious.

Well, shorter blogs can be funnier than longer blogs, just like shorter people can be taller than funnier people. Wait. What?

Love and Colored Pens,

Leah JOY

P.S. Oh yeah. Merry Christmas!!

So Apparently I'm a College Graduate

This is going to take some getting used to. (I think that preposition is okay because it's part of the verb.) I know I'm done with school, but I still feel like I'll be back there on Monday writing papers. Or next semester.

Nope. I'm done. That's a big concept and I can't quite wrap my head around it.

So what have I been doing with my time? Well, babysitting, sneezing, trying to pick out songs for my coffee house gig tomorrow night, blowing my nose, tidying my room, coughing, being miserable. Okay, it's not all that bad. But I've normally got the immune system of ... well, someone with a really good immune system. I get really sick once every 2 years or so. Well guess what. The last time I got sick was 2 years ago. Guess I was due or something. It started Saturday night with a little sore throat, which was a big sore throat by Monday. Starting Wednesday, the pain moved to congestion and today I've used about 549843189 tissues. (Yes, I did just bang my fingers on the keyboard.) I'm getting better, though. I should be able to do my show tomorrow night.

Anyway, being sick isn't really that interesting.

I just wrote a song tonight. It's about blue eyes. Okay, so you know that guy about whom I wrote like 14 songs? I think this is the last one for him, because it's a transition song to another guy with blue eyes. Here's a sampling of the lyrics:

Eyes like ice

Eyes like steel

Everything he couldn't feel

I wonder that I let him stay so long

Blue eyes are cold

Blue eyes can't feel

Blue eyes

Blue eyes aren't real

I swore I'd never love blue eyes again

Eyes like ocean

Eyes like sky

Eyes that take me by surprise

I wonder if you'll let me come along

So it's still a work in progress, but it's really beautiful (if I do say so myself) and I'm pretty excited about it.

In other news, I spent about 12 hours today sitting in this chair, picking out songs or getting distracted from picking out songs, so I think I'll move my sorry butt over to bed now and get some extra sleep (yay health!).

Love and sneezing,

LeahJoy

My Life as a Disney Show

I'll admit it: Disney Channel is my weakness. On a bad day, I enjoy descending to my basement with a blanket and a cup of apple juice and watching Hannah Montana or Jonas L.A. The thing about Disney Channel is that after you've watched it for just a little while, you start thinking more dramatically - the way the shows are. So lately, because I spent a few days catching up on Hannah Montana (I was a season behind!), and because I'm extremely bored in Philosophy, I've started thinking about what my life would look like as a Disney show.

First of all, my character would have two voices: the out-loud (polite) voice, and the thinking (dripping with sarcasm) voice.

Example:

Girl: So wait, you really lived in a nunnery?

Thinking Voice: No, you idiot. I was making up a story as a literary device to convey a point.

Out-Loud Voice: No... I was joking. Heh heh.

Example:

Weird Customer at Thrift Store: Hey girl - I'd like to donate my change to you.

Thinking Voice: You disgusting slob, I'd like to shove your change down your throat, but you probably haven't brushed your teeth in days, so instead please just understand that I'm a cashier, not a harlot.

Out-Loud Voice: I'm good. Bye.

Secondly, there would be several freeze-frame moments for character thoughts. The rest of the screen goes blurry; only the character in question is in focus. The character, however, is still frozen. A big thought bubble appears in which there is movement, whether it is the same character thinking out loud, or a memory of another character saying something.

Example:

Up-start Freshman girl: No, I really, like, think it's totally more like this, you know?

*freeze frame*

In the thought bubble of my character, a smaller me appears.

Smaller Me: Are you really going to let her treat you like that? *gesturing wildly* She's a freshman! And half of her words are unnecessary!

In the thought bubble, a smaller Freshman Girl joins Smaller Me. Smaller Me promptly punches Freshman Girl in the face.

Thought bubble disappears, un-freeze original frame. My character is smiling happily.

Of course, each episode would have to include some shenanigan, and for it to really qualify as a Disney show, I'd have to learn some life lesson every episode.

So that's the end of my Disney spiel.

And speaking of shenanigans, here's a story exemplifying how Leah has broken out of the teacher's-pet, straight-A-student shell.

So we're in Philosophy, and all the commuters have just gotten an email about how there's free Jet's Pizza for commuters today. The minute our prof. says, "Ok, 2 minute break," Zach, Eric, and I (all commuters) flee the room. It took us more like 6 minutes to get the pizza, but boy was it worth it. I realize that maybe this is something you all do or would do anyway, but even a year ago I would have never done this. My "Thought Voice" would have said, "Oh, pizza sounds good, but what will the teacher think? And your reputation!" Today, my Thought Voice says, "This professor has shown disrespect for your time. And while repaying an eye for an eye is not necessary, free lunch is a good thing. Take risks. Create shenanigans, because you're in college for only a few more weeks. Enjoy it."

I feel like when I came to college I had to reverse the growing up process a little bit - just learning to enjoy life. Now that I'm nearly done, I realize that being 'mature beyond my years' (as my mom always says) isn't always fun. Okay okay, life isn't all about fun - but sometimes you need fun.

Okay, class is almost over.

Love and Shenanigans,

Leah Joy