Monday, January 20, 2014

The Monday Rant: More Pointless, Pathetic Puns

I probably shouldn't be writing a blog post today. I didn't sleep at all Saturday night, and I got about 1 hour last night.  Huzzah for insomnia!  So, ranting might get ugly.  Mwahahahaha.

In 2012, I wrote about people using stupid "puns" to make their gifts *ahem* "better".  Please go read that post again first, because I did a really great job with it, and then I won't have to be so mean today.  In case you missed the first two links, click HERE.

Okay, now that you remember how hilarious and witty I can be, let's get down to today's post.

Over Christmas, I was able to mostly ignore the 'punny' pins.  There just weren't that many of them.  But now, 'tis the season to drive me insane again.  It's hardly safe for me to go on Pinterest these days.  Why?  Because it's time to get ready for Valentine's Day.  I'm going to show you some of the worst puns I've seen.  And there are a lot of them.

So, wait, kids actually like these loom bracelets?  Okay, but again, one must spell words incorrectly, use them incorrectly ('Exudes' would have been a better word choice here.  You're basically saying that this person lights up the sweetness in others.  Not a bad quality, really, but not what I think the Valentine is trying to say.), and then capitalize one's own fatuity.

What does that even mean??

What happened to the good old days where a jar of cookie mix (without a homemade vinyl label!) was considered top of the line for a teacher gift?

While I appreciate the relative simplicity of this one (a bag of popcorn + ribbon + tag = no extreme sports required), why is "POPPIN'" in bigger letters than "Happy Valentine's Day"?  Isn't "Happy Valentine's Day" the whole point of a Valentine's Day card?

What happened to the good old days when kids made their own Valentine's Day cards?  You know, cut out 28 red hearts and wrote Happy Valentine's Day on them and taped a sucker to it?  (Or just bought the box of Beauty and the Beast Valentine's and signed their names....)  Why is it Mom's job to print, cut, and tape labels?

Squeezable applesauce??? Really? Also, if every child in your child's class is your child's main squeeze, you have other problems.

I 'dew' hate this pun.  Also, why are you giving people Mountain Dew?

Okay, I appreciate the attempt to get away from candy (because boxed cereal is sooo much healthier), and cereal is delicious, but "cerealsly"?  It's painful to read, type, or even think that non-word. (But at least the "cereal" part is underlined for the people who wouldn't have gotten it - you know, all those kids who can't read.)

I'm sorry, that is just way too much work for two Hershey's kisses that will be torn apart and devoured immediately.

Finally, I want to show you one cute one, because I can.

While I still don't appreciate that the parent is probably doing most of the work here, I do appreciate that there is no pun-underlining.  This is a direct quote from the movie, and there are Hershey's Hugs in the bag.  People are not actually that stupid.  Still a lot of work for Olaf - eyes, nose, and buttons have 3-D elements to be glued on - not to mention the printing, folding, bagging, stapling process, but at least there are no horrible puns.

(But I still say a red construction paper heart with a sucker taped to it is the best Valentine.) :)

Love and a Dictionary,
Leah Joy

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